Light to my feet

“(105) Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

(106) I have sworn and confirmed that I will keep Your righteous judgments.

(107) I am afflicted very much; revive me, O Lord, according to Your word.

(108) Accept, I pray, the freewill offerings of my mouth, oh Lord, and teach me your judgments.

(109) My life is continually in my hand, yet I do not forget Your law.

(110)The wicked have laid a snare for me, yet I have not strayed from Your precepts.

(111) Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever, for they are the rejoicing of my heart.

(112) I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes forever, to the very end.” (Psalm 119:105-112)

Today’s ‘Our Daily Bread’ is about the light of God’s Word shining a guiding pathway in our lives.  The author compares it to the headlights of our cars leading us down the road at night.  He says, and true enough, that it is hard to follow the headlights of God’s Word sometimes when we have absolutely no idea where they are leading us through the darkest hours of our lives.  We always want to know.  Thousands upon thousands of years later we still always want that apple of knowledge. 

These last three years of my life have blessed me with a better ability of valuing the apple less, and trusting in God more.  Fresh out of the top rated School of Massage I was diagnosed with cancer.  I couldn’t practice the trade I had spent a year learning, and spent a truck load of money on to get.  After my victory over cancer I tried to get my foot hold into the massage community.  I had my foot hold in it for about a month and a half.  In a freak accident at my second job I completely destroyed my ankle.  I have spent nearly the last two years dealing with this injury.  I have finally gotten to a place where I could get the major reconstructive surgery I needed to reattach the three ligaments that hold your ankle to your foot.  I am now looking at, hopefully, the last 6 months of recovery time.  My chances of ever returning to the world of massage are slim to none.

At first I was angry.  I had spent all this time, and a ton of money, to learn a profession I loved.  And it was taken away from me; twice.  These last three years have been very dark in that sense.  I have had no clue how I will take care of myself, or the student loans I have accrued.  I had no sense of direction on where my life was going, or what it would look like if I ever got to the end of this tunnel.  It should have been terrifying for me.  It should have been one of the scarier spans of time in my life.

It wasn’t.

You see I was coming to Christ right as all of this was happening.  I became a saved soul in the midst of having cancer.  So when my ankle was destroyed in that accident while I was angry at the situation I never found myself wandering close to despair or depression.  I was surprisingly at peace.  It has been a peace I could not have gotten on my own, nor maintained on any sort of level by myself.  My Lord and Savior gave me this huge, ginormous gift in this very dark time in my life.  I learned to trust God.  I didn’t look out into the darkness around me; at least never for long.  My eyes were kept on God’s headlights before me.

And it never really, fully hit me until I read this daily devotional how blessed God has made me.  I could be in such a worse place right now.  I don’t want to imagine where my heart, mind, or emotional state would be if I didn’t have the Word of God.  My Lord and Savior has taken the time to teach me how to trust Him; which is one of the best gifts I could be given. 

I no longer have to worry.  I no longer have to fret.  I can say everything will be alright and feel the honest truth of that deep in my bones.  I have peace.  Soul deep peace that allows me to sleep at night, that keeps anxiety away.  In learning to trust God I no longer have to attempt to put my trust in manmade situations or fixes.  He has guided my path this far without me knowing where I am going; and I know He will continue to take me in the direction He wants me to go.

It sounds strange to me because I was the sort of person that always had to have a plan, to know where I was going, and to know what I was doing.  But in trusting God I have this freedom to enjoy the journey.  It doesn’t matter where I end up because I will end up where I am supposed to be.  I can focus instead on the people taking this journey with me.  I can savor the child-like, giddy excitement of knowing I am going somewhere good.  It is like my own life story of Christmas morning.  God is leading me to a land of blessings and gifts and wonder.  I can’t wait to get there.  And I can’t even fully grasp the gift of not having to try to find it myself.

God is good.  God does love me.  Jesus gave His life for me so I could walk this path without fear.  And the beauty of God’s Word brightens my world around me every day.  His light is true and sure; and I never have to worry about something running out in front of me for me to hit or have an accident over.  As long as His light is my focus, nothing can jump out at me to surprise me and cause me to stumble.  And for all these things I am grateful.  I am thankful.  And I am in love with Him even more today than I was yesterday.

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